I’ve been having a tough time. I mean a really tough time. How bad? you may ask. Well, I’ve cried pretty well non-stop for 3 days. Why? you ask. I’m not 100% sure, although here’s an idea:

I just “celebrated” a milestone birthday – 25. To some, 25 sounds awesome. The prime of life. The best days. Yeah, not to me. I’ve always had a fear of growing up and this birthday just made my world fall apart.

Age really shouldn’t matter though, should it? It’s not much different than the year before. Yes, true, but to someone who cannot stand the thought of being an adult and living an adult life, this was detrimental to not only my mental health but my physical health as well. Or at least I let it be detrimental.

For the past 3 days, I’ve had awful headaches and migraines due to the constant crying. I’ve also been eating the worst foods… chips, chocolate, cakes, sweets, crackers… all processed and making my stomach feel “ewwy”. I have huge bags under my eyes (also thanks to the fabulous nutrition) as well as a constant drowsy and dizzy feeling.

I’ve decided to try something to get over this… say FUCK IT. Ahhh, easier said than done, my friends. I just made 3 large batches of juice (whole, organic and natural) to at least get some nutrients in me. I know for a fact that nutrition has an impact on your mental health. I’ve also decided to start writing again (yipee for you guys! lol). I need to “do me”.

About 2 weeks ago, I enrolled in a nutrition diploma course. Because of the birthday preparations and parties, I haven’t been very studious. Well, that is going to change just as soon as I’m done writing this (priorities, right?!).

The only way that I can think of to stop feeling so yucky is to try and take control of my life. Along with my issues regarding “being an adult”, I also have issues with control. I always need to be in control. I’ve had a lot of problems stem from this, so what better way to turn my life around – use my control issues to my advantage. Instead of trying to control things in a negative way (i.e. my past issues with anorexia), I’m going to attempt to control the good things in my life.

Wish me luck.


Inner Wonderings



Juice. I love juice. So I began to use a juicer. My mom gave me hers after years of being a dedicated dust collector. What enjoyment comes of watching a whole apple get annihilated in 2 seconds. It. is. so. satisfying.

This is my go-to recipe:

  • 3 small green apples
  • 1/3 of a large pineapple
  • a bunch of kale (or spinach)
  • half of a lemon
  • about a 1″ square of ginger
  • 1 whole cucumber
  • 3-4 stalks of celery

I know it doesn’t sound all that appealing, but I have come to love it. I look forward to drinking it each morning. That recipe makes about a liter of juice… imagine eating all of that food in one sitting. Not possible (at least not for me).

Some people believe that juicing is a waste and that the nutrition gets lost in the process, but it’s so much better than drinking the sugar filled concentrated “fruit” juice from the grocery store. I really enjoy it.

The juicer that I invested in (after the donated juicer died) is the Breville JE98XL Two-Speed Juice Fountain Plus.

Breville Juicer

I use this pretty much everyday, so in my journey to pare down this is going to stay.